I’ve spent three days awake, sitting up straight in bed, trying to convince myself that the slightest imperfections on the four white walls around me are shadows of my former self, having come to life only to keep me company.

When you store yourself in bottles and jars, the preserves you’ve made from what was worth saving, boiled down to nothing in preparation for the long winter ahead, go rancid as you age. So you linger in the dark, canned in the cheap metal your skin has become, hoping that the slightest puncture never comes to spoil what’s inside.

The shadows have not spoken much, other than to tell me that my diction is perfect. Having fifteen minutes to think of every phrase makes that so.

I want release.
I want release.
I want something from within to come alive.

But I am cold, cold, cold inside: cold as the winter night of my birth, cold as coincidence can be. The shadows haven’t moved since I last did; the shadows haven’t spoken since I heard them whisper your name. There is no company for me here.

I have been cold to you, and this is what I get.

– "I have been cold to you." 22 October 2014

today I tasted the unrefined sweetness of victory by finding two nice jackets for a total of $160 dollars in the sale racks

taking a break from the internet this weekend was so nice I should go on road trips with the band more often

simple difference for white people who apparently can’t tell racism and prejudice apart: no amount of your black neighbour hating you, a white person, for the colour of your skin, will ever affect your ability to get a fucking job or get away with doing drugs

hey white people saying racism towards white people is a thing: go back to eating your bland sliced bread and stop talking

nothing like your mum really wanting you to join a dating site and dropping subtle hints about you being lonely like leaving articles for you about the long term effects of loneliness on the human brain! because dating someone when you’re really lonely totally helps! being single is always the cause of loneliness and never the extreme isolation of feeling like you don’t belong on a campus of sixty thousand people!

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